feeling not Enough

I’m going to put the honest truth out as I write this and hopefully this will relate to someone else to help change their way of thinking about this issue.

Before writing this , I cried. yes that’s right I said it. In tears trying to figure out what am I going to do. Will my situation ever get better ? How can I turn this around? Tired of feeling so hopeless and helpless. Tired of constantly having to feel like I have to explain myself to others. Some of my family keeps asking me questions about when I’m going for college or am I going to a university. When will I find a new job and my mother constantly arguing with me about the same thing over and over again. Seems as if me doing what my mind is set to do is not enough for “everybody” else and I mean that coming from the ones who are closest too me. I’m not a lazy Person. Working hard as I can to make changes. It’s not to please everyone else, it is to make sure my future is better than my “now”. Sometimes rushing is not always the best thing. From this day forward I’m going to do whatever it takes to find a new job, make my own income, get myself back into school, and get on my own two feet. I’m not trying to depend on someone else!!!. Period. So who ever thinks I am a person to just sit around and not try to establish myself in some way is a liar and probably does not know me very well. I’m a 23-year-old strong, driven, outgoing, smart, young woman but with feelings. So sick and tired of those who try to underestimate me and make it seem that I’m just not doing enough. But you know what, my identity is not in humans on this earth. It is through Christ Jesus who sees me and knows who I truly am. My strength comes from him alone. As it says clearly in the scripture ” I can do all things through Christ who strengths me” Philippians 4:13  

This tells me whatever it is that is seen as good , helpful, or can turn my weakness into strength and long as I have Christ anything is possible even at my lowest. He is enough. Learning how to endure certain hardships in your life can be very hard. Not knowing which way is the right way. It is time I start doing what is best for myself and stop listening to the toxic of others. Time to tune out.

Only thing I can do is try my hardest everyday to get closer and closer towards my goal. Stops right here and right now of feeling sorry for myself and wipe away the tears. Keep reminding myself long as I’m trusting in Jesus and keep him close to my heart that all of this shall pass. Reminds me of the song from Kari Jobe keeper of my heart. Beautiful song you all should listen to it if you haven’t heard it. 

Once my mind is clear and have calm myself down is when I can really think about what to do that can pull me out of the sorrow or pain I’m feeling. It is good if you have that one main person that can be trusted to talk to about difficult situations. However , for me I just wanna be alone. I don’t like showing my feelings a lot around others because at times when I’m most upset I would cry even though I’m not trying too. It is the truth. No one has to feel pity for me because not expecting them to have any.

My heart feels for others in times of need and trouble it just seems to be a natural reaction. Have a sense of care for people but also can see right through those who have bad intentions.

Be careful what you say to others because you never know what they are going through. If you have nothing nice that should be said, then keep your mouth closed. keep those thoughts to yourself. Read proverbs 25:28

What I am telling you now is not only to help you but also help me

we all go through something and most of us may not know how to get past it and move on

I hate it when conversations turn into arguments with certain people , what do you get out of that

So if you are feeling this same exact way or know of someone who is then I encourage you to share this post with them. And hope you take something from this.

psalm 34:18 says The lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit

So stop feeling down and learn to get up and endure so you can move forward towards bigger things in life. Keep faith and trust in the savior

Kari Jobe worship song

Always with Love Mika

next blog post will be 6/04/17

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